Running on Fumes...

For the first time in... a while... I find myself with a couple chunks of time where I have nothing I *have* to do. Nothing scheduled, no place to be (thankfully, in the unholy heat that is this city). So of course, I'm down in my nerd cave letting my brain play with gaming stuff.

Really, I should be working on SC'd. 'Cause it's my b.. ~ahem~ *our* baby. (See, I corrected myself! Yay me!) The magic section thus far has nothing worked out definately, just some stuff discussed. Only about a third of the major, noteworthy mechanics have been investigated, let alone some of the cooler, yet important to play, boundaries laid out for it. ~sighs~

And yet, I find myself procrastinating by going over Microcosm, thrown at my by my CoST (The Tall Man), because of discussions of GM-less systems. Instead of deciding, as I should be, how detailed I want each theme/style of magic to be, etc...

Let's see. Weekend thus far is full of overheating. Was called yesterday to help with the painting of J&C's new house. Which was fun, except for the closet. Enclosed space, unholy heat, paint fumes, lots of nit-picky little edges and corners that took too long. And at one point I narrowly avoided breaking my own neck with the Pixie. With her painting on the other side of the closet entrance, I made use of a euphemism from Stitch 'n Bitch and causing flailing. My position at the time was bad - by this I mean head and neck against closet shelf ledge, while on tiptoes, etc... in a position to break my neck should any weight be put against me. Thankfully, she flailed the other way. But good times were had - political incorrectness, painting each other occasionally, etc...

Also, never paint with boys. I say this on the same principle that 'never shop for shoes with boys' can be said and understood.

What else? Once again, my time has become the premium commodity in my life right now. I'm setting up a schedule already, and if you don't have something already booked with me, chances are slim that it will happen. Doesn't mean one shouldn't bother inviting me to things, but don't be surprised if the answer is no. I have people I care about who need me right now, or who need me not to need them, or who I would like to be in a position to help. Thus, I will stop being whiny and emo about my life and *do* shit for once.

Which, of course, means I need sleep. And a sleep schedule. I simply cannot continue to run on fumes (ie 4 - 5 hrs sleep a night) the way I have been lately. Which is the reason why my body put me to bed at just after 9 last night. Yes, this was my exciting friday night - sleep! I slept for 12 hours and really just desperately want to go back to sleep, dispite being dreadfully alert at the moment, and fearing that my series of dreams involving all of my ex's will continue somehow if I go back to bed. Stupid brain.

Curses!

Damn cultural and language barriers! I need social hammers/tourniquets and a babble fish, stat! For that's all it would take for me to find -some way- to get a plane ticket. Hot weather be damned, but the thought of this (below) is sexy:

http://www.ipsnews.org/news.asp?idnews=38187

Bizarre Delights & Horrors

I poke my head up from bizarro-link-land just long enough to pass these on to whomever may read:

A Rap Ode to my Hometown. Yes, I am disturbed. Be fair warned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsxWxM7eZxc

A man for whom I have a great deal of admiration:
http://www.ipsnews.org/news.asp?idnews=38276

Were I a hobo, I would want to someday end up like him.

Also, this blog (introduced to me courtesy of The Tall Man, supplier of brain-crack):
http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/

Today was actually less than devestatingly hot, thus I made myself caffienated things and used my brain for a time. And my computer. And broke my computer, which cannot keep up to my multi-tasking. Ye gods, I want a new laptop!

Feelin' Manly?

Your Score:
Masculine

You scored 66 masculinity
and 46 femininity!

You scored high on masculinity and low on femininity. You have a traditionally masculine personality.

Link: The Bem Sex Role Inventory Test written by weirdscience on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Somehow, this doesn't surprise me at all.

WARNING: Very Ranty & Rambly. Also, I win.

Finally, I have internet again! Not without a struggle, much running around with no blood sugar in 30+ degree weather, a roomie's call to tech support, followed by my own. But the universe has spoken - lying salesmen, lazy people, faulty equipment, and the chaos of incompatible technologies is no match for an impatient, cranky woman who needs her internet fix. w00t!

So, recent news - I had a C to visit with for a day and a half. She was in town to see the Moody Blues with me, for she is the only fan I know of outside of my family. Recalling the look on her face the last time they were in Edmonton and I got tickets without mentioning it to anyone, I made sure I phoned her as soon as I learn about it and hooked her into attending months in advance.

But she made me realize all over again how much I miss conversing with people – actually really discussing things. Not that the feeling hadn't been building the past couple of weeks in the company of weird indie gamer people, but I have a comfort level with her that I do with so few other people. Gods, do I miss explorational conversation. I think that's one of the things I miss most about Saskatoon - we had weird rambling conversations like that (possibly in part because there wasn't anything else to do, but still).

I'd also forgotten just how good the company of human beings really is when you share and want the same kind of flow to a discussion/company. I used to be in love with the thought that I didn’t need people the way other people needed people. Then I used to be mortally embarrassed that that wasn’t the case. Now I’m slowly learning to be really proud of the fact that the people that I need near me are of the quality I've been fortunate enough to manage (somehow) to keep close in recent years, instead of just needing people in general. If that makes any sense at all. It’s late.

As for the concert, The Moody Blues was awesome! Even if I didn’t love the feel of the music, or the near-eternal cool of a band who’s been rocking out nearly as long as the Beatles, there are still two things that would have me loving the evening anyways. The fans aren’t there because it’s ‘cool’, or something to do to pass the time, or because you just bought the CD and are curious about what they’re like in concert, or because the lead vocalist is a hot chick. The fans are there because they really, truly love the music, and admire the men who made it. They’re there to witness music they’ve made a part of their lives for years, and for most of the fan base, decades. The feel just walking through the building was almost euphoric because of it. And second, because this is a band who made a life, a living, inspiring people, not just making music successfully for the past 50 years. They are a group whose tone is not one of despair, senselessness, violence, or shock. The only shocking thing is that they touch enough common human emotion while tying it to a message of hope, of transitioning to something better to become or to make the world, without ever outright saying it, and pulling it off gracefully enough to –get the public to buy into it-. They have their sad songs, and by no means does their music avoid the darker, unhappy human emotions. But when they approach them, there is never a confining, fatalistic tone to them – rather a wistful, worn out, or numb approach, and always with the ring afterwards that ‘this is the lowest point, and we will go back up from here’. They are artists and gentlemen in the truest sense of the words, and if I can inspire in even just –one- person what they manage to inspire in their audience during a performance, I will consider all my past history of social pain and awkwardness worth it for such a moment.

Then I had to go back and work a day, and then I got to drag a bunch of Sasktoon geeks out of their caves to come have lunch with me on no notice whatsoever. I couldn't get a hold of a lot of people I wanted to see, but it may be just as well, for I didn't have much time to socialize before heading back. It made me realize just how badly I need to make a Saskatoon trip again, or actually keep in contact with people, or maybe both. S&E were kind enough to let me take up room in their already rather crowded van, for which I am grateful, and to coordinate making sure I got a ride back around having no cell phone (unknowingly left in Edmonton).

Also - got a letter from CT finally! A letter consisting of forgotten and misplaced beginnings to letters from months and months ago all the way ‘til recently. It reminded me again of the conclusion I’ve come to over the past few months. Which is to say, I’ve put so much worry and expectation into my career, when what really bothers me, distracts me, and will have me drop everything are my few people. The few that make it on to the radar of a woman who could have happily been a hermit. I’m tired of seeing them struggle and not being in a position to help them. I’m tired of not being able to make time for them, because I’m too busy trying to get the rest of my life in order so I have energy to start a career. And I’m bloody sick of the extra pressure I put on my not-yet-existant career because I feel I need it to really have a chance to enjoy the people around me.

If I had my way I’d buy a house in Edmonton or S’toon right close to a major area (Broadway/Whyte/University area) and tell the T’s to move in and start their own business already. Between the two of them they’d be fantastic. Or get J&M&S moving on their business idea for Edmonton here, and prod the boys into financing it with me. Really, I know I’m not the supportive friend, or the one you call in the middle of the night crying (even though any of my friends are welcome to, in case they didn’t know it), or the one who calls every day to see how something went. I’m usually not the friend that’s around all the time. I do tend to be the friend who’ll spend an entire weekend helping with someone’s move, or be perfectly okay with babysitting for a weekend and not want anything for it. I’m there when other people can’t or don’t want to be. Partly because I like to feel like people actually want me there, even if there is an ulterior motive like helping them move, because I don’t want to be someone that people go ‘well, I guess I should spend time with __ sometime.’ about. Also largely because I suck at scheduling my life and remembering everything I should be doing (‘cause I’m a procrastinating perfectionist and overload myself). Most of you know this, and (I hope) forgive me for it.

~ahem~ That being said, I expect (and deserve) a overwhelming lack of sympathy, for I do all this to myself. But this is a rant. It doesn't have to have a purpose, necessarily (except maybe work on my 'keeping in touch with people' abilities, which are nearly non-existant).

Less immediate past - the move... well. I had awesome people doing lots to help me, for which I am grateful. I am doubly grateful for the few people who had to deal with extended amounts of my foul mood while being injured and trying to move, for I am not the most pleasant person to deal with when stressed and in pain. Grace = not me. To explain - I fell down a flight of stairs while carry the cats in the carrier - the cats only flipped once, but in not splattering them against the far wall, I royally buggered up my ankle. Beyond that, the day of the move - well, anything that could go wrong, did go wrong. R & I dealt with it with remarkable tenacity, and even managed not to kill each other at various points. Or kill either of the landlord/lady we were dealing with at the time. Many, many stories about the move.

The coming weeks look to be... busy. Little bro visiting the end of this week, so I'm scrambling to get my world/basement set up so he can vacation in relative comfort. The painting of my room so I can put furniture in it seems to be taking up much more effort than I had planned though. I curse whoever invented wallpaper borders, for they're a right pain to remove.

After that, more time needs to be spent on gaming design and job apps, so if anyone wants to see me between now and mid-August, speak now.

That's all I can think of for the moment for updates. I'm sure I'll think of more when my brain is less melted.